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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My Stretch Marks Are My Badges of HONOR

With my friend at her 70s party.  I had to make the picture extra
large so you could see the stretch marks my friend was referring to

This has nothing to do with natural hair, but it has a LOT to do with loving yourself naturally.  We, as women, often put unrealistic expectation on ourselves or allow others to put unrealistic expectations on us.  If you haven't done so yet, then it's time for you to let go of the unrealistic expectations you put on yourself and/or tell others where they can put their expectations.

Some time ago, an FB friend of mine pointed out my stretch marks on a picture I took at a 70s party.  I commented on it in my status that same day, but I decided to expand on it an include my reaction and thoughts in my blog.  First of all, I should say he intended no harm, but I let him have it anyway.  I couldn't help but think, "how dare he point out my stretch marks?!"  I think I look pretty doggone good in that pic and leave it to someone to point out the only flaw in otherwise flawless picture.  So, being the outspoken person that I am, I had to let him know exactly what I thought of his opinion.  However, that conversation made me think about how we often view ourselves.

Now, I'm not saying don't try to improve yourself.  I'm a very self-aware person, so it doesn't take long for me to realize when I need to change something.  When I see my clothes starting to fit a little snug, I increase my workouts.  If my waist is not looking the way I want it to look, then I focus more on my abs.  If I'm feeling a little extra jiggle in other places, then I focus there.  However, there is nothing I can do about my stretch marks, so I've learned to accept and ignore those "flaws."  I've been wearing the same size for over 15 years, so I'll be darned (cuz I don't curse) if I'll let someone point out something on my body as if it's a problem!

But I have to say that his comment made me question why I considered my stretch marks to be "flaws" that needed to be overlooked.  I got those stretch marks bringing a life into this world.  Those are not flaws.  Those are my badges of honor!  This man is not equipped to do what I did and until he is, he has no right to comment on it!

I remember being pregnant and watching this baby slowly stretch out my body and being disgusted by the marks forming all over my body.  I smothered myself in coco butter hoping that would help minimize the damage being done to my body, but once my son began interacting with me while still in the womb, I was no longer concern with the "damage" he was doing.  I was more amazed with this little life my body was nurturing and once he was born, I no longer thought about me.  It was all about him.

As women, we often do what this guy did.  We focus on the one "flaw" instead of focusing on our many positive features.  We depend on guys to tell us we look good so we can feel comfortable with ourselves.  Well, if you learn to tell yourself, you'll never be disappointed.

I have seen gorgeous women zero in on the one physical "flaw" that they have and dwell on it as if was the worse thing in the world. I'll admit it.  I've been guilty of this too, but how many guys do you know who will do the same thing?  There may be a few, but personally, I know NONE.  I grew up in a family of 5 brothers and every guy I know think very highly of himself . . . even if such thoughts are not warranted ;-) However, these same guys will want to point out what they think are your flaws as if you needed a magnifying glass.  I refuse to accept this and I refuse to be silent, which is why my good ol' buddy got an ear full from me.  

If you have a physical "flaw" that you can reasonably address, then deal with it.  If not, then accept it and do not allow anyone to make you think negatively of yourself because of it.

My son - worth every mark and sag!

Instead of dwelling on the stretch marks, I chose to dwell on the fact that I brought a life into the world (without drugs I must add).  I do not try to hide my stretch marks.  They are clearly visible when I wear low riders and crop tops or if I'm wearing a bikini on the beach.  I stay fit, so I feel very comfortable wearing the clothes that I wear and I wish someone would come up to me with something to say.  Anyone who knows me will tell you I don't shy away from confrontation especially when I know I'm right! Maybe that was one of the positive side effects from growing up in a house full of men!

~Loving Me Naturally


  1. girl ur son is ur twin! i loved this post

  2. Thanks Mikaela - that boy is my heart :-) And I had a lot of fun writing this post too.