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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Finally at Peace with Me - All of Me

I think most women deal with some insecurities. However, I'm sure I had more than my fair share. It probably started when I was in grammar school and I found out that the pretty girls were light skin and had "good hair" and of course none of those descriptors applied to me. To add insult to injury, I was tall. So when we got together for our classroom pictures, I had to stand in the back row even though I thought it was really cute to sit in the front row, fold your hands and cross your legs, but those spaces were reserved for the shorter girls. They were cute and petite and I was long and lanky.

As we got older, the girls got curvy . . . but not me. Nope! Straight as a stick! In fact, my mother called me "sticky legs" cuz my legs looked like long sticks.

Also, I loved school and enjoyed a challenge, so I did very well academically, which earned me the unpopular title - nerd.

Why am I sharing this?

Because I am finally at peace with me - all of me.

I'm grateful that I did well academically and it was a blessing to be the kind of person who enjoyed a challenge. That is what got me through being a teen-age mom, graduating from college with honors, getting my Certified Public Accountant license and getting my Certified Fraud Examiners certification and that is what continues to get me through life's daily challenges.

Now, I love all 5'10" of my stature, 6'2" when I'm wearing heels (which is often) and 6'5" when I'm wearing heels and an afro puff :-)

Now, I adore my golden brown complexion and I see the beauty in my head full of kinky hair that I failed to see when I was younger.

Additionally, I embrace my slender body and the outfits it allows me to wear. What an overlooked blessing!

Ultimately, what I've learned is there was never a problem with me. Some of my insecurities were self-imposed and others were imposed upon me based on other people's perception or concept of beauty.

Why did I use their concept of beauty to define me?

Why did I look at other women as a gauge to measure against?

Who made them the standards of beauty?

Why did I accept that?

When I finally dismissed those images and accepted myself, the complete package, that's when I realized I spent years trying to fit in when I was intended to stand out.

There are still some people who tell me they think I looked better when my hair was straight. That's okay. That doesn't matter to me because when I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful reflection. Not just the outer shell, but an inner beauty and strength that I never saw or felt before. It is so powerful that people who do not personally know me can see it too.

Why am I sharing this? Because too many women deal with unnecessary insecurities.

When you change your perception, you change your life.

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