Real Love Knows No Texture

Mom & Dad at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration 2 years ago

My mother finally decided to go natural after dealing with years of chemical burns. She recently began wearing her hair in a TWA, but was concerned because my father wasn't too happy with her new look.  When she expressed her concern to me, I just laughed and said "daddy ain't going nowhere!"  I've read so many discussions where women are worried about their men leaving them when they go natural.  My personal opinion is if they would leave you because of your hairstyle, then the relationship wasn't based on substance and they would have left anyway.  Thank them for not wasting any more of your time and let them go on their way.

My Suggestions for Natural Hair Newbees & Transitioners

I recently realized how many people are in their first year of being natural or are seriously thinking about transitioning.  Personally, I think that first year is the most difficult - at least it was for me.  Also, I know others who have struggled a lot during their first year, so I thought I would put together a list of suggestions that should help you during that first year of your natural hair journey.

My Stretch Marks Are My Badges of HONOR

With my friend at her 70s party.  I had to make the picture extra
large so you could see the stretch marks my friend was referring to

This has nothing to do with natural hair, but it has a LOT to do with loving yourself naturally.  We, as women, often put unrealistic expectation on ourselves or allow others to put unrealistic expectations on us.  If you haven't done so yet, then it's time for you to let go of the unrealistic expectations you put on yourself and/or tell others where they can put their expectations.

3 Years Natural - Time to Reflect!

Today marks three years of being natural.  Time to reflect!  In honor of my 3 year anniversary (BC Date 12/20/2007), I am sharing some of the ways I have changed since being natural.  I hope you enjoy my moment of reflection.

I should start by saying, that the picture above shows the very last time I wore extension and the last time I went to a hairstylist (she damaged my hair, but that another story for another day).  I was natural in this picture, but not ready to learn how to style my hair.  This picture was taken January 2008.  I took the extension out a month later and that's when the fun and learning pains began!

Nails, Hair & TLC

When I was in 7th grade, I started growing my nails.  I grew them so long, that most people could not believe they were mine.  They would literally perform an inspection to confirm that I was being truthful when I said they were not fake.  I don't wear my nails as long now as I did then, but I still have long nails and even now, some people do not believe they are mine.  Why?  Because we have grown accustomed to people wearing fake nails and most of the time when you see someone with long nails, they're acrylic.

Ending the Product Junkie Cycle

Soon, I'll be officially congratulating myself on 3 years being natural, so while reflecting on the journey, I thought about the best hair advice I ever received.  Believe it or not, it was from a natural brother during my first natural year and maybe if I did a better job of listening, I would've never became a product junkie. 

Finally at Peace with Me - All of Me

I think most women deal with some insecurities. However, I'm sure I had more than my fair share. It probably started when I was in grammar school and I found out that the pretty girls were light skin and had "good hair" and of course none of those descriptors applied to me. To add insult to injury, I was tall. So when we got together for our classroom pictures, I had to stand in the back row even though I thought it was really cute to sit in the front row, fold your hands and cross your legs, but those spaces were reserved for the shorter girls. They were cute and petite and I was long and lanky.

As we got older, the girls got curvy . . . but not me. Nope! Straight as a stick! In fact, my mother called me "sticky legs" cuz my legs looked like long sticks.

Also, I loved school and enjoyed a challenge, so I did very well academically, which earned me the unpopular title - nerd.

Why am I sharing this?

Because I am finally at peace with me - all of me.

I'm grateful that I did well academically and it was a blessing to be the kind of person who enjoyed a challenge. That is what got me through being a teen-age mom, graduating from college with honors, getting my Certified Public Accountant license and getting my Certified Fraud Examiners certification and that is what continues to get me through life's daily challenges.

Now, I love all 5'10" of my stature, 6'2" when I'm wearing heels (which is often) and 6'5" when I'm wearing heels and an afro puff :-)

Now, I adore my golden brown complexion and I see the beauty in my head full of kinky hair that I failed to see when I was younger.

Additionally, I embrace my slender body and the outfits it allows me to wear. What an overlooked blessing!

Ultimately, what I've learned is there was never a problem with me. Some of my insecurities were self-imposed and others were imposed upon me based on other people's perception or concept of beauty.

Why did I use their concept of beauty to define me?

Why did I look at other women as a gauge to measure against?

Who made them the standards of beauty?

Why did I accept that?

When I finally dismissed those images and accepted myself, the complete package, that's when I realized I spent years trying to fit in when I was intended to stand out.

There are still some people who tell me they think I looked better when my hair was straight. That's okay. That doesn't matter to me because when I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful reflection. Not just the outer shell, but an inner beauty and strength that I never saw or felt before. It is so powerful that people who do not personally know me can see it too.

Why am I sharing this? Because too many women deal with unnecessary insecurities.

When you change your perception, you change your life.