Natural Hair - Fad or Paradigm Shift?

With my mom & aunt proudly sporting their TWAs

"Don't remove the kinks from your hair.  Remove them from your brain." ~Marcus Garvey

I believe there are people who are jumping on the bandwagon because natural hair is such a big thing right now.  However, I believe that this is bigger than just a passing fad.  I believe we are fortunate enough to be witnessing a paradigm shift.  For the first time, many of us are experiencing our hair in it's natural state and realizing that everything we were led to believe was wrong.  We are realizing that we can wear beautiful hair styles without the assistance of hot combs, chemicals and weaves.  We thought that Corporate America was not ready to embrace our coils, but we now realize that natural hair can be professionally styled and not hinder our career progression (although some are still debating this point).  We are finding out that men generally do not shy away from natural hair and that many are drawn to it.  We see our confidence hitting an all time high and we are forming strong relationships with our fellow natural sisters, transitioning sisters and naturally curious sisters.  We are not making political or fashion statements.  We are learning to love ourselves naturally and we're spreading the knowledge!

I remember the first time I wore a fro.  It quickly went from a proud moment to a traumatic experience for me.  I started the day with a few of my fellow natural sisters and they made me feel so good about my hair that I felt like a queen.  Moments later, I went to visit my family and it only took a few seconds for them to break me down.  I was met with hysterical laughter, comments about how nappy my hair was and questions of when I would straighten it.  I knew my family meant no harm and I had shocked them with my new do, but I had to admit that their reaction did hurt.  It was a long time before I wore a fro again, but I experimented with other natural styles.  Over time, my family's reaction changed.  They were surprised at how soft my hair was and amazed at all the beautiful natural hairstyles I wore.  My mother was shocked at how thick and healthy my hair was and she began asking questions and telling other people about my hair.  Now my mother and my aunt (her sister) are both natural.  It took my mother awhile to embrace the natural look and she wore hats for a few months after the big chop - bless her heart!  But now she openly wears her TWA.  On the other hand, my aunt embraced her new natural look right away! My aunt's walk changed to a strut.  She grew a couple of inches because she stretched her neck up so high (lol).  She even had a sparkle in her eyes I didn't remember seeing before.  She loved her new TWA and she received lots of compliments!  I know for my mother and aunt, this was definitely a paradigm shift and I'm glad I was able to be a part of it.

My grandma, lovingly known as "Mama Lizzie"
She may be 100 years old, but she's a progressive thinker!

The other story I have to share is the first time my grandmother saw my natural hair.  I was wearing an afro puff at the time.  She asked me to come over so she could see my hair.  I was a little nervous because of the way my family reacted to my afro and my grandma always had silky hair that hung down her back without any heat or chemicals, so I thought she wouldn't understand or like my new hairstyle.  Also, she was born in 1911 in the deep south, so I knew she had to have a negative opinion of natural hair, but when I bent over so she could see and touch my hair, she said "Beautiful.  Just beautiful."  What a moment!  Don't let that sweet smile fool you.  Mama Lizzie holds her tongue for no one, so I knew she meant those three beautiful words and that made it extra special for me!

Not every is as progressive as Mama Lizzie and a paradigm shift does not happen instantly.

If you are struggling to embrace your natural hair, hang in there.  If your family or closest friends are not accepting your natural hair, be patient.  If someone tells you negative things about your hair, don't worry.  They may still be a part of the old mindset.  We all know that may only take 20 - 30 minutes to remove kinks from your hair, but it takes a lot longer to remove them from your brain.  Stay strong - it gets better and you never know who may follow your example :-)

~Loving Me Naturally

Invent Yourself or Be Invented

"Each of us has that right, that possibility, to invent ourselves daily.  If a person does not invent herself, she will be invented.  So, to be bodacious enough to invent ourselves is wise." ~Maya Angelou


When I watch documentaries showing the damage we often do to our hair through the use of chemicals, excessive heat, weaves, extensions, etc., I have to admit that I feel embarrassed.  If I hadn't experienced what I experienced growing up, I would look at those documentaries and think: "those women are crazy!" However, that used to be me.  I was at the shop every 6 weeks getting my touch up and enduring the scalp burns so the relaxer could stay on long enough to get my hair silky straight.  I've lost hair around my edges from having my braids too tight and I even had several microbraids come out by the roots for God knows what reason.  Never during that time, did I ever question why I put myself through that.  My tortuous hair maintenance routine was as normal as brushing my teeth and washing my face.  It was a necessity, not an option . . . so I thought.


Could it be that since I hadn't invented myself, I was invented?  Since I had no vision for myself, I went along with society's ideology of how I was supposed to look.  I used my peers, fashion magazines and celebrities as guides to determine what look was "hot" and I emulated those styles regardless of whether I truly liked the style or not.  


I think back to a pair of pants I had when I was a teen-ager.  I called them my Indonesian pants because they had a tag inside, which said "Made in Indonesia."  They were a rather odd pair of pants and it even took me some time to figure out how to put them on.  Regardless, I loved those pants, but I often felt strange wearing them because they didn't look like anything I saw anyone else wearing, so I would only wear them when I knew I would be staying close to home.  I guess at that time, I wasn't bodacious enough to invent myself and I felt embarrassed to go against the norm.  


Over the years, I've become more aware of how I've been influenced by others.  In the past, I've made decisions based off of what I was "supposed" to do, what was expected of me or what others wanted for me. Once I realized that, I began making a conscious effort to understand what it was that I truly want for myself.  If I had no other outside influence, what would I want to do?  Once I had the answer to that question, then I had the option of deciding whether I wanted input from others to help shape my point of view or if I wanted to make my decision without any outside influence. It's amazing that outside input can be so strong that it may be difficult to separate your thoughts from the thoughts you think are yours because they have been so deeply ingrained in you by the images you see and the conversations you have daily.  However, once you're able to identify and separate your thoughts from the thoughts of others, you are now empowered to know your true self and you're on the path of inventing yourself and what a wonderful feeling that is!! It's a happier life when you know who you are and you're being true to yourself and not trying to fit into a box someone designed for you.


I love that thought-provoking quote by Maya Angelou.  I also love that she mentions inventing ourselves daily.  Generally speaking, I think we are notorious for calling people "sell-outs" and thinking that we're at a higher level than someone else when we reach various stages of enlightenment.  How ridiculous is that?!  I am constantly evolving and growing and the person that I am today will change in the years to come.  I can't see ever wearing my hair straight again, but that's where I am right now.  Years ago, I couldn't imagine wearing my hair naturally, so who knows what the future may hold and how I may chose to invent myself in the future?  However, one thing I do know - everyone may not agree with how I have invented myself and how I will invent myself, but that's okay because now I'm b o d a c i o u s enough to be true to me. 


~Loving Me Naturally

Beautiful Black Women - Wear Your Crown of Glory

If I was not black and I had naturally curly hair, would you question whether my naturally curly hair would be appropriate for the workplace?  Would you question whether my hair texture would hinder my career?

If I was qualified for a job, but the company didn't want to hire me because of my hair texture, wouldn't I want to know this before accepting the job?  If so, why would I want to disguise my texture to get the job and then reveal my true identity afterwards?   Why would I fear showing them what God has creatively designed?

If I were any other ethnicity with naturally curly hair, would you assume that I was making a political statement for wearing my hair the way it naturally grows?  Would you assume that I was from some far away place or I'm intensely in touch with my roots?  

Would you ask me to alter my texture before I could be in your wedding?  

          Before I could attend your formal event?  

                    Before you introduce me to your family?

                              Before we go out on a date?

Beautiful black women wear a crown of glory.  There is nothing shameful about it.  It does not need to be explained, excused or hidden.  Any questions?

"Those that don't got it, can't show it.  Those that got it, can't hide it." ~Zora Neale Hurston

~Loving Me Naturally

Could it be that the Comb is not for Me?

Cree Summer played Freddie Brooks
on A Different World (90s Sitcom)

I used to love A Different World back in the day.  Remember the episode when Freddie was going to get a professional job and she was running from Jaleesa who was chasing her with a comb?  LOL!  Ha - Maybe Freddie was on to something!  I've decided to ditch my combs and let my fingers work their magic.  Since going natural, I've always had a problem with the comb.  Every twist and curve in our hair is a potential breaking point, so I had a hard time understanding how it was possible to detangle without damage.  I did what everyone recommended: drenched my hair with water, loaded it with conditioner and detangled with a wide tooth comb.  I even used the apple cider vinegar rinse to close the cuticles before combing.  I did not lose a lot of hair during the detangling process unless I was wearing an afro or some other tangling nightmare type of hairstyle, so I can't say that process didn't work.  However, I did have a lot of shed strands getting tied up with some of the other strands.  They would form a knot and I would have to cut them.  I didn't mind cutting them, but I was starting to get annoyed with the time it took to separate those two strands and find the place where the hair needed to be cut when there were so many of them.

Elevating My Mind & Changing My Perspective on Natural Hair

Picture by Triple L Photography

"A man who views the world the same way at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." That's one of my favorite quotes by Muhammad Ali.  I would modify it slightly and say that if you view the world the same way this year as you did last year, then you've wasted a year of your life.  Your experiences help shape the person you are and the person you will become, so I think it's important to always think about your experiences and evaluate what is going well and what needs to change.  My manager and I go through this every year as we discuss how my performance measured against my goals and we set goals for the following year.  I also go through a similar process personally as I evaluate my life, career path, relationships and finances on an annual basis.  Each year, I become a different person and I view the world differently.

My 5 Day Experiment with a Simple Style for Long Hair

My hair was never this long when I wore it straight

I really try to wear protective styles during the winter, but my options are limited because I can't braid well, I don't want to wear weaves or extensions and putting my hair in small twists is an undesired all day project.  During the holidays, I had a little downtime and that was just what I needed to get my creative juices flowing.

Ideally I needed my style to be: 

• Protective - Chicago winters are brutal.
• Versatile - I can't imagine wearing my hair the same way everyday.
• Quick - I love my hair, but there are only so many hours in the day and I need to be more productive with my time. 
• Long-lasting and neat - I'm not interested in washing more than once every two weeks, so I need a style that will last and will be neat.  If I need to do a touch up, it needs to be a simple process.
• Simple - I'm not a hairstylist and braiding is not an option.
• Professional - None of the above matters if I can't wear the style to work

Now that I identified my criteria, I needed to find a hairstyle that would work.  My first question was how can I use my length and thickness to my advantage?  I instantly thought about goddess braids.  Since I don't braid, I decided to play around with large twists to create some kind of updo similar to a goddess braid style.  Variation is important, so each day of this past week, I tried to do something a little different with the style to see if this was really going to work.

I forgot to take a before picture on Monday,
so this was actually taken on Tuesday.
The starting point is the same each day.

After I washed and detangled, I put my hair into 18 large twists.  Why 18?  Well, I initially started with 10 twists, but they were too large to style neatly, which was one of the criteria, so I had to adjust.  I guess I was being overly ambitious :-)  In the front, I had 4 twists on each side.  In the bottom back row, I created 4 twists and I created two rows above that with 3 in each row.  This became my starting point for my styling experiment.

4 twists in the bottom row; 3 twists in each of the
2 rows above that

I like the front better than the back

Monday - My first thought was to gather my twists in some kind of a french roll using several large bobby pins.  It was a little difficult to get the roll nice and neat, so I slapped this decorative thing on top of it (I forgot what that comb is called).  Now it's just a decorative and messy bundle of twists.  Not exactly what I had in mind, but I'm getting ready for work, so I can't spend a lot of time with it (remember quick was a criteria).  I'm wearing a turtle neck on this day, so I wanted to secure the back section of my hair.  I tucked that section under with a bobby pin and although this wasn't the best look, it was going to have to do for that day.

Not what I had in mind, but this can get better with practice

Warning - I lost approximately an inch and a half of hair in the back due to damage.  I'm not exactly sure what caused it, but I seriously think that my hair rubbing against my turtlenecks was a HUGE part of the problem if not the sole cause of the problem.  I absolutely love turtlenecks in the winter, but since the bottom half of my hair looked like it had been through a shredder, I think the turtlenecks and wool sweaters took its toll.  So it's important to not only protect your hair from the weather, but from your clothes as well.

I love coordinating clothes & accessories

Tuesday - All day Monday, I felt like a blob cuz I wasn't very happy with the results of my style.  I wanted to jazz it up, so I could have a better day.  I had to come up with another way to pin up my hair since I didn't like the french roll as much as I thought I would (I'll revisit that later when I have more time and patience) and I didn't like the way my ends at the bottom looked tucked under.  So this time, I pulled my hair up in sections and did a series of pin curls making sure all of my ends were secure and tucked under the twists and that the bobby pins were not visible.  I also untwisted the bottom 4 twists for a twistout.  I intentionally picked a sweater with a lower neckline, so I wouldn't need to worry so much about my hair rubbing against it (although it did a little), but it wasn't a wool top so hopefully, it didn't cause a problem.  Besides, if my hair can't touch any fabric at all, then it's not worth having!

You see that crooked part? I need to clean this side up a little.
I'm a big fan of finger parting, but I know I can do better.
I'll fix it this weekend.

To console myself after having my not-so-great hair day, I decided to raid my closet for some color.  There's no better feeling than going from drab winter colors to a bright cheery color!  I even found some chopsticks I forgot I had that went very well with my top and jewelry.  I'm feeling much better about this style.  I think this may be a keeper!

With the exception of the puffy party, I think this was pretty good

I can be a little overly critical at times, but I wasn't too excited about that puffy section above my twistout.  The only way to avoid this would be to either add more twists or to flat twist this section.  It's not that serious to me, so I'll just have to get over it.

Simple and clean look in the front. Perfect for the office.

Wednesday - If it ain't broke, don't fix it, so I stayed with my pin curling technique, but I'm back to wearing a turtle neck, so I want to secure my ends.  This time, instead of tucking them under, I pulled them up using the same pin curling technique I used at the top.  Oh yeah, now I'm getting the hang of this!  

My olive flower pin was another treasure I had in my stash waiting for an opportunity to flourish.  Today was the day!

There's a lot going on back here, but I LOVE it!

Amazing what a clip can do!

Thursday - Same pin tucks at the top.  I inserted some brown chopsticks and I found this clip that went perfectly with the sticks.  I love shopping in my own supply of accessories!  Anyway, when I pulled the twists together in the clip, it allowed me to tuck the ends under in a way that I thought was cute.  This was much neater than my original tuck under on Monday and having the clip there makes my none twisted section (the puffy part) above the clip look better too.  Oh boy!  This style keeps getting better!

Option 2

You could wear this style with the twists tucked under or leave those twists out.  You know I'm all about variety with little additional work ;-)

Ignore the head and check out the hair :-)

Friday - You know I must have been feeling good at this point because I almost never face the camera when taking a picture of myself.  It may be all in my mind, but I think it makes my head look distorted.  Anyway, nothing different here.  This is the same style I did on Tuesday, I just used flowers instead of chopsticks and you'll notice that the twistout at the bottom is looser than it was on Tuesday, which I think looks better.  It's amazing how much the accessories compliment the styles and add variety to the same styling method.  Guess you know what I'll be doing this weekend!

I surprised myself with this one!

I should also mention that each night, I unpinned the twists and wore a satin scarf to bed.  Probably 2 or 3 of those nights, I lightly spritz my hair with rose water and put a little oil on the ends.  Each morning, I only spent about 10 minutes pinning my hair up neatly.   I will probably get faster with a little more experience, but 10 minutes isn't bad.  This weekend, I will take the twists down, spritz them with a little rosewater and apply a little coconut oil before retwisting them backing into my starting point style.  I'm doing this because I want a fresh start to next week and I won't wash it until next weekend.  This weekend, I'll also stop by a few stores and look for some more fun accessories :-)

Thanks for letting me share my week of experimenting with you.  I hope you find this useful.  Please post a comment and let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions.  You can also post questions or send me a message.  

~Loving Me Naturally

Real Love Knows No Texture

Mom & Dad at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration 2 years ago

My mother finally decided to go natural after dealing with years of chemical burns. She recently began wearing her hair in a TWA, but was concerned because my father wasn't too happy with her new look.  When she expressed her concern to me, I just laughed and said "daddy ain't going nowhere!"  I've read so many discussions where women are worried about their men leaving them when they go natural.  My personal opinion is if they would leave you because of your hairstyle, then the relationship wasn't based on substance and they would have left anyway.  Thank them for not wasting any more of your time and let them go on their way.